Learning to Name What We Feel—The Power of Emotional Clarity

Part 2 of 9-part series entitled, “From Autopilot to Aliveness: A Man’s Journey After Divorce,” offering practical wisdom and soul-deep encouragement for men navigating the emotional upheaval of early divorce.

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When I first realized I’d been living on autopilot, the shock of awareness was humbling—but what came next almost made me want to go back to sleep.

Suddenly I could see how much I’d missed—how many emotional moments I’d dismissed, bypassed, or buried. And when I tried to explain what I was feeling? I stumbled. Not because the pain wasn’t real, but because I didn’t have the words. The truth was, I couldn’t name my own emotions beyond “angry,” “fine,” or “frustrated.” And those weren’t real names—they were shields.

That moment revealed a deeper problem: I didn’t just need to feel—I needed to build a language for what I was feeling. I needed to learn how to describe my internal world so I could navigate it with clarity instead of confusion, with courage instead of avoidance.

Most Men Don’t Lack Feelings—They Lack Words

We were never taught the words that connect us to our internal experience; in fact, we were taught to distrust, devalue, and discount this connection. I played organized, competitive sports from 4th to 12th grade, and I can easily recall coaches ordering players "Walk it off," "Suck it up like a big boy," when injured, and not to "Cry like a baby" or "little girl." And in the absence of coaches during pick-up basketball games when no coach was present, my peers rehearsed that language, firing out quick updates when injured, e.g., "It's no big deal," "I'm good," "It's nothing. Really." Admitting internal paid could result in a second-string slot for a first-string starter, the lost peer respect, the lost of a coach's respect, the lost of self-respect -- or maybe all with a seat at the end of the bench to signify the costs paid.

In the modern day rites of passages like competitive sports and in other spaces, we were taught to act, achieve, protect, and power through, not to connect to ourselves. But when you distance ourselves from what's inside of yourself, you can't feel. What you can't feel, you can't name. What you can't name, you can’t process. You can’t get through it. You can’t ask for what you need—or even recognize it yourself.

Without an emotional vocabulary, everything gets labeled “stress,” “anger,” or “being tired.” But beneath those generic labels often lies grief, disappointment, longing, shame, or fear. And until you learn to call those things by name, they will quietly steer your life in directions you didn’t choose.

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Naming Your Emotions Gives You Power

This blog isn’t about becoming soft or sentimental. It’s about becoming more effective—in your life, your relationships, and your leadership. Naming your emotions is not weakness. It’s strategic. It’s a tool for clarity and alignment.

When you can say, “I’m feeling unseen,” instead of just blowing up…

When you can say, “I’m carrying disappointment I didn’t realize,” instead of checking out or clamming up…

You reclaim your ability to act from truth instead of reaction. You start leading your life, not just defending it.

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From Autopilot to Alignment: The Work Ahead

If Blog 1 was about waking up from autopilot, this one is about what happens next—the temptation to go back to sleep. Because awareness without the skills to handle it can feel overwhelming.

It’s easier to shut down, self-protect, or go quiet than it is to press in and do the real work of emotional honesty. But it’s precisely this work—building language, confronting what you feel, staying with it long enough to understand—that accelerates the growth you want.

This is the journey from numbness to awareness. From reaction to reflection. From vague discomfort to defined insight.

It’s not easy. But it’s worth it. Because the more you learn to name, the more you learn to navigate. And the more you can navigate, the more capable you become of making real progress toward the life—and the relationships—that reflect who you are at your core.

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🔍 Reflection Prompt: Build Your Emotional Vocabulary

Take 10 minutes today to sit with these questions:

When something last triggered you—what did you actually feel underneath your initial reaction?

Was it frustration… or was it rejection?

Was it anger… or was it fear of being misunderstood?

Was it numbness… or was it exhaustion from trying to stay strong?

Now try to name 3–5 emotions that fit more accurately than what you first called it. Use words you’re not used to using. Get curious. Let the words surprise you. This small shift in language can lead to a major shift in clarity—and clarity leads to freedom.

💬  I’d Love to Hear From You

If this blog spoke to you—or challenged you—I invite you to share:

• What part resonated most?

• What do you wish more men were talking about?

• What topics would you like me to write about in future posts?

Drop your thoughts in the comment section or email me directly at coachjeff@mergepointcoaching.com. Your input helps shape future content that speaks directly to your journey and to the journeys of other men en route to deeper aliveness.